Black. I see black. 

Face down with long golden brown hair covering every inch of my face. 

Coldness. I feel cold. 

An ice-cold rush from an illegal drink cooler on my bottom side. 

Blur. I see nothing but blur. 

Outlines of concerned faces looking straight at me. 

I can barely keep my head up, at the very moment I do, my heart drops.

There it is right there in front of me.

The stitched-on badge.  

The bright gold outline 

The dark blue button up shirt. 

POLICE. 

Oh no, I’ve done something wrong.

I’ve been caught.

What happened?

How did I get here? 

Where did everyone else go? 

90 mph thoughts rushing through my head and I cannot control one of them.

Shit.

What in the world was I thinking, I am only 17.

I should’ve listened to her. I didn’t know what she was saying, I couldn’t comprehend. 

I should’ve listened. 

I can’t feel my legs, and my arms are so weak.  When I try and lift one of them, it falls back down to my lap. 

What is happening to me?

I hear a voice coming at me.

Am I - am I spelling my name right now?

All of a sudden, I hear this ringing in my ear and a man’s voice on the other end. I couldn’t speak. 

My thoughts got bigger, and my heart raced faster.

Dad?  

Why are you on the phone with me? 

How did they get your number?

I don’t remember too much, Dad. 

I didn’t know what was happening.

Maybe I should’ve eaten something, Dad. 

Maybe I shouldn’t have drank so much. 

I didn’t know it would sneak up on me, Dad.

You’ve never seen someone blow a number that high, Dad? 

I bet you’re a proud father right about now. 

Hey.  Dad, don’t hate me. 

I didn’t mean to. 

I’ll be alright, won’t I, Dad? 

Promise me I’ll be okay, Dad. 

Promise me.

I haven't a clue what’s happening right now.

My hair was sticky.

My shorts were extremely wet 

and muddy.

And, my shoes weren’t even on my feet anymore. 

I was a mess, and I don’t even know how I got this way. 

When did my Dad get here?

It’s hard. What I’m lying on, it’s hard. 

I don’t exactly fit here; I don’t really remember where I am. 

It hurts, dry heaving. 

There’s nothing coming out anymore, and it really hurts. 

I feel the warm, salted tears rushing down my face. 

Please, don’t cry Jessie, I didn’t mean to. 

I didn’t even know this could happen, Jess. 

I should’ve listened to you.  

I should’ve listened. 

I’m so stupid sometimes, Jess. 

It’s going to be alright, just stop crying. 

Please?

Just wait, they’re going to say I’m okay. 

I’ll be okay, Jess.

I’m not going anywhere. 

I won’t. This is my fault, not yours.

I don’t understand what’s happening. 

I can’t remember how I got here.

Stretched out, in the backseat of my Dad’s car. 

I’m muddy, I'm so muddy everywhere.

My eyelids are so heavy.

I can’t stay awake anymore, I just can’t. 

Why are they yelling at me from the front seat? 

I’m hearing bits and pieces of what they’re saying. 

I have to use every bit of strength to keep my eyes open. 

But 

I just can’t stay awake.

Wait

We were just in Oshkosh. 

This is the Green Bay Hospital. 

My head hurts so badly and my eyes are almost glued shut.

         Mom?

What are you doing here? 

You look so mad at me.

The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint you. 

I wish I could take it all back.

I didn’t mean to drink so much, Mom. 

It wasn’t even my liquor. It was someone else’s. 

Please stop crying.  Please.

I can’t take this anymore. 

Hey Mom...Why does my head feel so heavy? 

I can’t talk straight.

I need you.

I really, need you.

I was only trying to have fun.

I swear, I respect you and Dad. 

Tell me what to do, Mom.

Wake me up.

Help me. Anything, 

I just need you.

Hospital beds are so cold.

I’m shivering.

I’m wearing a pair of blue scrubs

I look to my right and see three familiar faces. 

I know who they are, but I don’t know where I am.

It looks like they’ve been crying. 

Each eye filled with a reddish, glossy sensation.

I screwed up.

I wish I remembered something.

I remember, nothing.

I remember shots.

I remember a cute boy.

He was carrying around a bottle.

Captain Morgan.

Lucky?

I heard the Doctor speaking . . . 

“You’re lucky you found her when you did, otherwise she may not be alive right now.”

Oh shit.

I’m alive though.

I know I’m alive.

I also know I've  made a huge mistake.

Why am I so stupid?

Screwup, one would call me.

I should’ve listened to Jessie. 

I heard her voice in my head -

Kayci. We needed to leave. 

Today sucks.

My terrible mistake can cause my trust with everyone.

I almost lost my life from this stupid decision.

I’ve never felt such regret.  I just wanted to say thank you.

Whomever decided to save my life today.

Thank you.

I can’t redo this day.

I wish I could, but I can't. 

I sat there, lying on the warm emergency room bed.

One large, thankful breath of life.

I closed my eyes.