Black. I’m enveloped in darkness.

Face down, my long golden-brown hair drapes over my face like a shroud.

Chill. A bone-deep cold slices through me, a stark reminder of the illegal drink cooler that presses against my side.

Everything is a blur. I see only hazy outlines—concerned faces staring back at me, their expressions a tangled web of worry and fear.

I struggle to lift my head, but the moment I do, my heart plummets.

There it is— the stitched-on badge, the bright gold outline glinting under the harsh lights, the dark blue button-down shirt.

POLICE.

Panic grips me.

Oh no, what have I done? I’ve been caught.

What happened?

How did I end up here?

Where did everyone go?

Thoughts race through my mind like a twisted rollercoaster, each one faster than the last.

What was I thinking?

I’m only 17.

I should’ve listened to her.

Those words slipped through my fingers like sand; I didn’t grasp their weight until now.

I should’ve listened.

My legs feel numb, my arms like lead.

I attempt to raise one, but it falls back into my lap.

What is happening to me?

A voice cuts through the fog.

Am I—am I spelling my name right now?

Then the ringing in my ears intensifies, and a man’s voice crackles through the static.

I can’t find my voice; it’s lost in the chaos.

My thoughts spiral, growing larger, while my heart beats erratically.

Dad?

Why are you on the phone with me?

How did they get your number?

I don’t remember much, Dad.

What happened?

Maybe I should’ve eaten something.

Maybe I shouldn’t have drunk so much.

I had no idea it would sneak up on me, Dad.

You’ve never seen anyone fail a breathalyzer that spectacularly, Dad?

Bet you’re a proud father right now…

Hey, Dad, don’t hate me. I didn’t mean to.

I’ll be alright, won’t I?

Promise me I’ll be okay. Promise me.

My mind is a jumbled puzzle; I can’t find the edges.

My hair is sticky.

My shorts are drenched, and muddy.

My shoes? Where did they go?

I’m a complete mess, and I don’t understand how I got here.

The surface I’m lying on is hard.

I feel out of place, a lost puzzle piece.

It hurts; dry heaving offers no relief.

Nothing more can come out, and still, the pain lingers.

Warm tears streak down my face, a salty reminder of my misery.

Please, don’t cry, Jessie.

I didn’t mean to let you down. I had no idea this could happen.

I should’ve listened to you.

I should’ve listened.

I’m so foolish sometimes, Jess.

Everything will be alright; just please stop crying. Can you do that for me?

Just wait, they’ll say I’m okay.

I’ll be fine, Jess.

I’m not going anywhere.

It’s my fault, not yours.

I don’t understand what’s unfolding around me.

I can’t remember how I ended up here.

Lying stretched out in the backseat of my dad’s car, I’m muddy, coated in reminders of my missteps.

My eyelids are heavy, a leaden weight.

I can’t keep my eyes open any longer; the darkness calls.

Why are they shouting from the front seat?

Fragments of their words weave in and out of my consciousness.

I muster every ounce of strength to fight the fog, to stay awake.

But it’s a losing battle.

Wait.

We were just in Oshkosh.

Now, I’m in Green Bay Hospital.

My head is pounding, and my eyelids feel glued shut.

Mom?

What are you doing here?

You look so angry.

The last thing I wanted was to disappoint you.

I wish I could take it all back.

I didn’t mean to drink so much, Mom.

It wasn’t even my liquor; it belonged to someone else.

Please, stop crying. I can’t bear it anymore.

Please.

Hey, Mom...

Why does my head feel so heavy?

I can’t speak clearly.

I need you.

I really, really need you.

Hospital beds are frigid, and I’m shivering, clad only in blue scrubs.

I glance to my right and see three faces I recognize.

I know them, but I can’t place where I am.

Their eyes glisten, red and swollen from unshed tears.

I messed up.

I wish I could summon any memories.

All I have is a blank slate, an empty canvas.

I remember shots.

I remember a cute boy, carrying a bottle of Captain Morgan.

Lucky?

I hear the doctor’s voice interjecting my thoughts.

“You’re lucky we found her when we did; otherwise, she may not be alive right now.”

Oh shit.

I’m alive, though.

I know I’m alive.

Yet, I also know I’ve made a colossal mistake.

Why am I such a fool?

A screw-up, as some would say.

I should’ve listened to Jessie.

I can almost hear her voice in my mind —

…Kayci, we needed to leave.

This day is a disaster.

My poor choices could shatter the trust others have in me.

I nearly lost my life for this foolishness.

Regret washes over me like a relentless tide.

Lying there, on the warm emergency room bed, I take one deep, thankful breath.

I close my eyes, hoping for solace amidst the chaos.